Protecting Yourself During Divorce With an Abusive Spouse

Call 911 immediately if you are in physical danger.

For confidential support and safety planning, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (24/7) or text START to 88788. If you cannot safely make a phone call, visit thehotline.org for online chat support.

Divorcing an abusive spouse in Texas requires strategic safety planning, legal protective measures, and experienced advocacy to ensure your physical safety, emotional wellbeing, and legal rights are protected throughout the process.

Key Takeaways:

• Safety planning is your top priority when divorcing an abusive spouse, including securing important documents, establishing a safe place to go, and building a support network before your spouse knows you’re leaving.

• Texas law provides legal protections including protective orders, emergency custody orders, and the ability to exclude abuse evidence from impacting your case.

• Working with an attorney experienced in domestic violence cases ensures you have strategic guidance for documenting abuse, navigating court proceedings safely, and achieving outcomes that prioritize your safety and your children’s wellbeing.

Divorcing any spouse is challenging, but divorcing an abusive partner adds layers of danger, complexity, and fear. You may be worried about your physical safety when your spouse discovers you’re leaving, concerned about protecting your children from harm, anxious about financial survival if your spouse controls all the money, or fearful that the legal system won’t believe you or protect you adequately. These fears are completely valid, and understanding how to protect yourself legally, physically, and emotionally during this process can literally be life-saving.

At Kamal Law Firm, PLLC, we have over 36 years of combined legal experience helping clients navigate high-conflict divorces, including those involving domestic violence and abuse. We understand the unique challenges you face and provide strong client advocacy to protect your safety and your rights throughout the divorce process. If you’re in an abusive situation and considering divorce, this guide will help you understand the steps you can take to protect yourself and your family.

Creating a Safety Plan Before You Leave

If you’re planning to divorce an abusive spouse, creating a comprehensive safety plan before taking action is crucial. This planning can protect you during the most dangerous period and help ensure your escape is successful.

1. Start by identifying safe places you can go in an emergency, which might include a trusted friend or family member’s home, a domestic violence shelter, a hotel, or another location your spouse doesn’t know about. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can connect you with local resources and safety planning assistance.

   
   

2. Gather and secure important documents. Make copies of identification documents for you and your children, birth certificates and social security cards, marriage certificate, financial records including bank statements and tax returns, property deeds and vehicle titles, insurance policies, medical records, and any documentation of abuse such as police reports, medical records, or photographs of injuries. Store these documents in a safe location outside your home, such as with a trusted friend, in a safety deposit box your spouse doesn’t know about, or with your attorney.

   
   

3. If possible, set aside emergency money. Open a bank account at an institution where you don’t currently bank, using a trusted friend or family member’s address for statements. If your spouse monitors spending, consider getting small amounts of cash back during routine shopping trips and storing this emergency fund securely.

   
   

4. Plan your communication strategy carefully. If your spouse monitors your phone, computer, or email, assume they can see everything you do on devices they have access to. Use a friend’s phone or a public computer at a library to research divorce, contact attorneys, or seek help. Consider getting a prepaid cell phone your spouse doesn’t know about for confidential communications. Be aware that your spouse may be tracking your location through your phone, vehicle GPS, or other means.

   
   

5. Prepare your children age-appropriately. Without frightening them or revealing your plans in a way they might accidentally disclose, teach them how to call 911, establish a code word they can use if they feel unsafe, and identify trusted adults they can go to for help. If you’re planning to take your children when you leave, prepare a bag with essentials including clothing, medications, and copies of important documents.

   
   

6. Tell trusted people about your situation. While you should be strategic about who knows your plans, having a support network of friends, family members, or domestic violence advocates who understand what you’re facing can provide emotional support and practical assistance when you need it.

   
   

Understanding Protective Orders in Texas

Texas law provides several types of protective orders designed to protect domestic violence victims. Understanding these legal tools and how to obtain them is essential for your safety.

A protective order is a civil court order that prohibits your abusive spouse from engaging in specific behaviors. Depending on the circumstances, a protective order can require your spouse to stay away from you and your children, prohibit contact with you including calls, texts, emails, or social media contact, prevent your spouse from going to your home, workplace, or children’s school, require your spouse to move out of a shared residence, prohibit your spouse from possessing firearms, and establish temporary custody arrangements for your children.

To obtain a protective order, you file an application with the court describing the abuse you’ve experienced and the protection you need. The court will schedule a hearing, and you’ll need to present evidence of abuse, which might include your testimony, witness testimony, police reports, medical records, photographs of injuries, threatening text messages or voicemails, or other documentation. 

Violating a protective order is a crime. If your spouse contacts you or comes near you in violation of the order, call the police immediately. Document every violation with dates, times, and details.

Filing for Divorce From an Abusive Spouse

When you’re ready to file for divorce from an abusive spouse, working with an attorney experienced in domestic violence cases is essential. The divorce process differs in important ways when abuse is present.

You can file for divorce in Texas citing cruelty as a fault ground. Successfully proving cruelty can impact property division in your favor, influence spousal maintenance decisions, and affect custody arrangements.

When filing, your attorney can request that your address be kept confidential on court documents to prevent your spouse from locating you. The court can also issue temporary orders at the beginning of the divorce process that provide immediate protections similar to a protective order, establish temporary custody and visitation arrangements that protect your children, require your spouse to pay temporary support, and allocate use of property including the marital home and vehicles.

Protecting Your Children During Divorce With an Abusive Spouse

Texas courts can consider evidence of family violence when making custody and visitation decisions. If your spouse has been abusive toward you or the children, this evidence supports arguments for full custody or supervised visitation for the abusive parent. The court’s primary concern is always the best interests of the child, and exposure to domestic violence is considered harmful to their wellbeing.

Document any abuse your children have experienced or witnessed, including physical abuse of the children, verbal or emotional abuse directed at them, incidents where they witnessed you being abused, times when the abusive behavior traumatized or frightened them, and any impact on their behavior, schoolwork, or emotional state. Statements from teachers, counselors, doctors, or other professionals who have observed concerning behaviors can provide important corroboration.

Financial Protection During Divorce From an Abusive Spouse

Financial abuse often accompanies other forms of abuse, making economic security a critical concern during divorce. Texas law provides some protections, but proactive steps are also necessary.

As soon as you decide to divorce, start documenting your financial situation comprehensively, including identifying all bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts, real property, vehicles, business interests, and other assets, as well as all debts including mortgages, credit cards, loans, and other obligations. Obtain copies of financial statements, tax returns, pay stubs, and other records that show the extent of marital assets and income.

If your spouse has prevented you from accessing money, your attorney can request temporary spousal support and attorney’s fees as part of the temporary orders in your divorce case. Courts recognize that victims of abuse may have limited financial resources to hire attorneys or support themselves during divorce, and they can order the abusive spouse to pay temporary support and cover your legal costs.

How Kamal Law Firm, PLLC Can Help

At Kamal Law Firm, PLLC, we provide strong client advocacy throughout your divorce, fighting tirelessly to protect your interests. 

We handle all aspects of divorce from abusive spouses, including obtaining protective orders and emergency custody orders, documenting abuse and presenting compelling evidence to the court, navigating CPS investigations, securing temporary and permanent custody arrangements that protect your children, and coordinating with domestic violence resources and support services. 

If you’re in an abusive relationship and considering divorce, you don’t have to face this challenging situation alone. Reach out today to schedule a consultation with our experienced team.